... down a hole.

 
 
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I finally got it up!  Applause!

And being a year older & fresh off a couple bottles of champagne and a few scotch & sodas actually helped this?  Puzzling.  The New Year may be an impetus for change after all. 

After a 2 day hangover and in a state of semi-soberness I feel capable of forming overly verbose and unclear sentences--one foot in front of the other--so why not use this small window of opportunity to post the first piece (i before c) of schlock on this new & obscure bastion of banality, the one and only, Brainbooger.com?

First we address a matter of definition: what is a "brain-booger," exactly? 

You may have heard the term 'booger-brain' but that's something different, a judgment of quality perhaps.  To me it’s perfectly obvious what a brain-booger is, but as I was told by a very nice therapist, should not assume this to be the case of my peers, nor those that jump off them. 

My wish through this site is not only to define the opposite sex in the most rigid terms possible--if you're a woman, and able to laugh with me here, I love you... by force if necessary--but also to entertain all strata of The Literati as well as provoking snide, chuckle-luckery from the shirtless and austere. 

So, for the Intellectual Midget Peasantry--within this vast and magical dominion they are affectionately termed 'Imps'--I succumb to redundancy.  Besides, I'm always willing to beat a dead horse provided there's an audience that may enjoy it.

An aside: around here 'we' (inclusive, friendly, familiar, American) make up a lot of words and phrases, flipping a quick 'FU' to Webster as we go.  In 100 years a new language wil have ultimately spawned from this practice, until then you’ll just have to follow along with your fingers, sounding aloud. 

Anyway, back to the definition. 

Most of us think as we breathe, largely with little effort or consequence, that is until these continuous, autonomic actions result in an increasingly perceived yet easily dismissed aftereffect. 

Miraculously, from a simple and uncomplicated existence a rigid, crusty, protein-based structure and its anti-matter equivalent appear.  Eureka!  It’s true; the beginning of complex--and complicating--life on this planet was in fact, a booger. 

Whether a kernel of crusty protein and dust or a metaphor for an errant thought essential in material construction and destruction, by themselves boogers may seem practically useless, even offensive, to anyone but the harbinger. 

However, a boogers impact on life on this planet should not be underestimated.  Think of it as a snowball effect, i.e., The Booger Effect.  One booger by itself may seem insignificant, but as it rolls along, gathering other boogers, it miraculously reaches critical mass, then, WATCH OUT! 

Anyone who has been steamrolled by a giant mass of boogers intuitively heeds this warning. 

In short, a brain-booger is a metaphor for a thought.  Consider Brainbooger.com a place of boogers, a receptacle for the highest order of excrement, the human thought.


                                                                                                        -JPF
 


Comments

The Ish

Sun, 20 Sep 2009 16:13:07

HOO-AAH!

 



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