What is Marriage

Lions don’t marry.  They don’t even plan, let alone nuptials.  It’s just not in their DNA.  Lions eat, fuck & fight by the whims of their instinct in an ephemeral ballet of carnal behavior orchestrated by nature with brutal harmony. Sure, unions take place in the Animal Kingdom, some even last a lifetime, but they […]

New Yorker Submissions

We the editors at the New Yorker Prefer the obtuse And holes of our daughters If it becomes us to publish your works We’ve surely referred to The Times We were jerks Our sideburns were long and our scoffs were aloud It’s only till now our judgments allowed When our rein is but over and […]

Screenplay Idea

200 years in the future… -The Human Race has splintered into two distinct groups through technological advancement and economic isolationism -Life Extension and genetic engineering is now a reality due to breakthroughs in DDNAM (dynamic DNA management) and practiced by the economic over-class -Through technological advances in AI and nanotechnologies the need for a working […]

Mexican History

In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue and came upon a glorious “new” world. It was a world of abundant resources and geographic splendor untouched by western civilization and inhabited by naive ‘savages’ whom spoke an unintelligible tongue, a fantastic place to spend a three-day weekend, it was Mexico. It was actually Cuba, but as […]

Things White People Like

White people like anything that reminds them of how great they are, especially when they’re drunk. And since the 1980s was the peak of whiteness, being drunk and hearing 80s music come on is virtually the highest level of pleasure a white person can experience. One musical act that gets whiteys off like a $10 […]

Sex & Cocaine

Cocaine is like a drug. When a white man does cocaine he feels the world is his oyster once again and he can accomplish anything, this is usually followed by an impulse to have sex. Unfortunately this sensation is temporary, so white men fill time between cocaine use with coffee, therapy and San Francisco. White […]


Its’ shoulders hunkered down as it languidly looks for a place to poop, this beast of noble pedigree, elegant in the foible of its servility, its’ spirit forever at sea, the primeval sins of man providing its only solid ground. A symbol of modern human loneliness born of delusion is a natural foot wedged sorely […]

Fake People

We were having cocktails at the apartment one evening, my wife the picture of elegance as usual; a charming black gown accompanied by a tasteful necklace. The champagne flowed freely, as did the hard-boiled eggs and caviar; roe, not sturgeon; our present company was incapable of distinguishing, and besides, the market had been punishing of […]


Ritzy Ditzy Heidi climbed on my waterspout. On her mind was brain, so she took me in her mouth. Out came her bum and it cried to have the same. So Ritzy Ditzy Heidi climbed on my spout again.

Change The World

The phrase ‘change the world’ gets a lot of play. It’s used in a plethora of moral and political propaganda as well as self-help expose. So what’s wrong with trying to change the world, to ‘fashion the future,’ as we see fit? For one thing, change is a constant; the universe is in a perpetual […]

Premeditated Worder

In a flash of drunken neural kinetics, I ‘invented’ a phrase tonight…so I thought… Like Charles Darwin and Jean Lamarck, parallel evolution of a mental spark, under the impression I’d lit the first fuse, but it’s already blown up, through another mans use…Big ups to KRS-One, The MC. Plot, plan, scheme, kill that mutha-fuckin’ MC.

Power vs Control

“if one defines and understands “power” purely in terms of control (when one says x has power over y, one means that x controls y), then is it not the case that power begins from being able to control one’s own self? If one cannot control one’s own self, then how can one ever hope […]

Blind People

…Alright, I’m back, everything’s cool, the cops are gone. Now, where was I? Oh yes. I just rented the movie “Blind” with Julianne Moore. I enjoyed it. Then I did some searches and found that the National Federation for The Blind had issue with the film, so I sent them an email. To: Whom It […]

Kungfu Legend

In a seedy Bangkok hotel room, strung from the ceiling, used condoms and needles spattering the floor beneath the yellow and un-clipped toenails of two limp, lifeless feet that once kicked some serious ass, there hung the kung fu James Dean, the one and only, David Carradine. R.I.P. 1936-2009

Chess Games

The vivacious verbosity of voluptuous verse has vexed the vehement vindicators of veracity and vanquished the virtuoso verbality of a venturous verbalist vested in the villainous vicissitudes of verbiage void of verification. Ben Bien (BenBien.com), a fantastically philosophical individual with oodles of intellectual merit, a person I’ve had the pleasure of corresponding with in merely […]

Rap Verse

Dave you better behave I may wave but if you cross me I’ll put you in a grave beat you so hard you cave become my slave for three days on your knees, serving me and my G’s in a basement, you die I get a replacement, you lie by the furnace decomposing I’m supposing […]

Porn & Diet Coke

A fella drinks a diet soda and ejaculates on the floor; a phenomena that occurs with alarming frequency. FACT: every 7 minutes in this country, a dude gulps a placebo and discharges into oblivion. When did being moot become a goal? Consequences are a burden, sure, so irrelevance by design?? At the zoo I’ve enjoyably […]

Dear April

I am sorry. I can be a sloppy, unrefined lout, my few redeeming qualities present merely to set the stage for a grand showing of true, denatured apostrophe. Truth be told, I am not as smart as I or anyone else thinks I am, nor as charming; that would be impossible! Nevertheless, I was not […]


Oops, I did it again I wrote a shit poem After drinking some gin As long as you’re here I should let you all know You’ve wasted your time On a poem that blows Don’t let it be said I’m a bastard, instead Think of it more like this: Because you clicked oops Before taking […]

A Dream

The road lies across my eyes, left to right, as I float along, sideways, seeing barricades of police and military passing by, stopping cars, big-rigs, pedestrians, clowns, the mixture of all society leaking over each dam, each obstacle in the road, flowing, leaning, squeezing their rubber necks and bodies through every hole, every crevice, as […]

Getting It Up

I finally got it up! Being a year older & fresh off a couple bottles of champagne and a few scotch & sodas actually helped this? Puzzling. The New Year may be an impetus for change after all. After a 2 day hangover and in a state of semi-soberness I feel capable of forming overly […]